GAAH! (Or: The Saga of Why AT&T Can Die and Burn In Hell.)

Wow. It's been a long time since I've been here.

Time to dust off the ol' blog, though. I have venom to spew. Oh, Lordy, do I.

This tale begins with my layoff on January the Eighth. In the wake of losing my job, my wife and I decide that we must (obviously) cut some costs. We had discovered, about a month previously, that AT&T's U-Verse service had become available at our apartment. We have a couple friends who have the service and love it, and it's quite a bit cheaper (for now) than Cox (which has always been excellent). We had elected not to sign up back in December, because we're in the process of buying a house and didn't see the point in changing providers for just a few months. Circumstances being as they are now, though, it seemed like a good idea.

Saturday, 10 January

I visit the U-Verse web site and confirm it is indeed available at our apartment. I sign us up, and choose an installation date of 19 January (the first day open), from 12:00-2:00pm. I receive several confirmation e-mails, for the order and for the installation.

12 January

My wife, whose number is the primary on the account, receives a call from AT&T; evidently, their computer wants to confirm our address. She proceeds to have a needlessly long conversation with a representative. See, our building has both a number and a letter designation in its address; including the letter apparently confuses AT&T's system. Upon instructing the agent to remove the letter, she is able to un-confuse herself.

(In retrospect, this should have been a red flag.)

She receives two more of these phone calls this week.

(Yeah.)

Here's where the real problem starts. I assumed--having received a confirmation e-mail, and three phone calls confirming our eligibility and our installation date--that AT&T would, as promised, install the U-Verse service in our home. That's what large, professional corporations do, I supposed. THEY FULFILL THEIR OBLIGATIONS. Having made this (silly) assumption, I scheduled a disconnection and equipment pick-up with Cox. For the day of our U-Verse installation. I did this because I am (1) an inherently trusting person and (2) an idiot.

Monday, 19 January: "U-Day"

11:15am: I disconnect our Cox equipment, and move some of our other devices around in preparation for a new cable box.

12:10pm: A Cox technician arrives to pick up their stuff. I had scheduled the pickup from 1-3pm; they are early. "No problem," I think. They're just an efficient service provider. I continue to wait for AT&T.

2:05pm: No AT&T. I call customer service. The representative transfers me to dispatch to find out where our installer is. (2:10-2:25pm): ..........on hold.......... (2:26pm): Someone finally answers. She's going to find out what's going on. (2:28-2:48pm): .........on hold........ (2:49pm): She returns.

"Okay, sir. I don't have you scheduled for an installation today. Your activation is down for March 31st."

(Breathing heavier.)

I explain to her that that's completely incorrect. I need an installation as soon as possible. I try to explain that I am in the middle of a job search and absolutely need access to my e-mail. Nonetheless, she tells me that the earliest that someone can come out is WEDNESDAY MORNING.

(I am now completely fucking furious.)

I take my laptop to Starbucks to use their Wi-Fi to get onto my e-mail, to get the details I need for an important job interview on Tuesday morning. To my surprise, their Wi-Fi is no longer free. It's $3.99 for a two-hour block, provided by (who else?) AT&T. (Fumes.) My wife kindly prints what I need from her work.

3:30-4:30pm: On the phone with AT&T again. I try to speak to a manager, to find out who in the blue fuck changed my installation date and to get somebody the fuck out here a-sap. The manager is unavailable. They do not call back.

Finally, another (semi-competent) representative at dispatch tells me that they can fit me in between noon and two on Tuesday. I am placated. The wife and I enjoy a night of reading with no electronic sounds.

Tuesday, 20 January: "Fuck-U-Day"

12:00pm: I'm home from a great interview and ready for the installer. As soon as I have internet again, I need to write an e-mail thanking the individuals for meeting with me. I want this job.

12:10pm: The installer calls. He's confirming our address (again) and says that he's got to check something; will call back. I don't freak out.

1:05pm: He calls back.

"There's a problem with your facilities, and I've got to send this back to engineering. Sooooo I don't know when we're going to be able to install this."

(My urge to kill is peaking.)

1:10pm: Back on the phone with customer service. I am trying to find out the time frame for this "problem." It could be two weeks, a gentleman tells me. As calmly as I possibly can, I tell this gentleman that I require more information than that. In good faith, I already cancelled my previous service. He gives me a case number and transfers me to someone whom he says can tell me more.

1:20pm: Aaaaaaaaand to whom does he transfer me? The fucking dispatch center. This woman doesn't know her ass from her elbow.

1:35pm: Back on the phone with customer service. My statement goes something like this:

"Your company is infuriatingly incompetent. Cancel the entire order. I'm through with you people. And if I was in a better position, I'd change cell phone carriers as well."
"Sorry to hear that, sir."

Yeah, I'm sure you are, cocksucker.

1:45pm: I now call Cox and beg for them to reconnect our service. I go to the fucking library to write my e-mail.

Wednesday, 21 January

Still no cable or internet service.

9:30am: I drive to the Cox office and pick up our digital cable box. Would have done this yesterday, but their rep told me that I couldn't do that until after the services were reconnected. She was incorrect, at this point, it's a minor gripe, because she is NOT AT&T and I'm fairly certain that Cox is PLANNING TO DO WHAT THEY PROMISED ME THAT THEY WOULD DO. Because that's what reliable service providers do.

Once I've got the equipment, it's simply a matter of time, waiting until the tech arrives at our place to throw the switch. I kill time by watching Doomsday and "Arrested Development." I feel like a fucking sloth.

4:00pm: I'm connected to the world again. I have half a mind to run outside and hug the Cox tech.

Thus ends the Saga of Why AT&T Can go Fuck Themselves in their Pee-Holes.

Lessons learned:

a) AT&T can go fuck themselves in their pee-holes.
b) Don't do stupid things like trust large companies to provide the services they've promised in the time frame that they've given to you and confirmed four times.
c) When a reliable service provider tells you that another service is less reliable and of lesser quality, you might consider believing them. If U-Verse's prices go up on February 1st to the level of comparable digital services, as Cox tells us they will, I will forever believe anything Cox tells me.
d) FUCK AT&T.

Seriously, here. I recognize that I shouldn't have had our Cox services disconnected until the new services were up and running; that would have saved me a lot of anger (I haven't been that angry in a LONG time; when my wife can feel my anger seeping through the phone, I'm fucking fuming). However, I also should be able to trust that a large, international corporation is going to DO THEIR GODDAMN JOB WHEN THEY'VE PROMISED TO DO IT, and that they will do their homework and check our building for any issues before the predetermined date of installation. My responsibility can only go so far, because I'm not one of their fucking engineers. Maybe your website shouldn't tell people that the service is available at their address when THE SERVICE IS CLEARLY NOT AVAILABLE AT THEIR ADDRESS. Perhaps one of your THREE CONFIRMATION PHONE CALLS could have been to the dispatch center, to confirm our eligibility with some who can actually confirm our eligibility.

The moral of the story: AT&T sucks, and don't ever trust anyone to do anything ever. Except Cox.