My favorite entry from today's Monday Moaning column in The Plain Dealer, in which the paper ill-advisedly allows readers to write or call in anonymously and bitch about whatever they want:
"I'm a senior like millions of seniors. I don't have a computer, so I can't log on or dial the Web of all the programs on TV."
Right.
You see, children, this is why I (one) do crossword puzzles, and (two) keep abreast of all this pesky technology. So that when I'm old enough to send pointless, incomprehensible and irrelevant messages to major publications and have them printed out of some editor's sad, sad pity, I won't sound like I'm functionally retarded.
It's a miracle that this intellectual giant didn't dial the phone number on their microwave.
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